Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
