I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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