If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
