he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
