i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
