i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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