I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
