Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
