I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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