I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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