Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He kissed a someone with a penis
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
