In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
