White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
