You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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