just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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