I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
