when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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