You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
