DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
