I am spending my child support on dildos
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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