i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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