i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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