From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
