Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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