It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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