Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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