Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize