I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
