Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
