so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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