lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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