my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
