She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
