Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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