I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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