Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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