So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
