after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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