and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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