i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
