i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
