Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
