They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
