Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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