she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
