when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize