How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
