Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
