I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
