Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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