Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
