Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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