margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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