Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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