Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
