don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
