my sisters under your porch take her home
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
