Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
