please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
