Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
