i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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