We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
